Cattywampus: November 04

Cattywampus: November 04: "Far beyond the headlines And rumours of war The middle-aged carpenter Is hanging raingutters On the backside of Round Mountain- A fine Novem..."

It's OK to be a Musician

For my entire adult life (I am now in my 50's) I have greatly admired those who can read and perform music. Look at what they have accomplished, I tell myself. And, of course, it's true. The list is so long of accomplished musicians who dedicated themselves to their craft, including learning the theory and practice of western music (by that, I mean the study of keys, minor and major scales, modes, intervals, and so forth) that naming any is an insult to those left off the list. For classical music if I mentioned Bach, but left off Mozart, or for jazz mentioned Brubeck but left off Metheny, I could not offer a justification.

But I digress.

What has gnawed at me over all this time has been the paradox of the accomplished artist who never studied music. Who only knew about keys, because the shorthand for communicating with fellow musicians demanded it. Who wrote songs that have profoundly moved me and a generation of others. Of course foremost among then are the Beatles. Though I do not believe that learning formal music necessarily stifles creativity (think of the sublime transcendence of Miles Davis in the classic Kind of Blue tracks) I do believe that there are melodies and chord progressions that are likely to never have been invented if the musicians who invented them had spent many years schooled in formal musical education. Examples include many of the songs of Joni Mitchell and, for me the inspiration for this blog, the song 4 + 20 by Stephen Stills (that song has the unlikely but chilling guitar tuning of DDDDAD.

So, for myself (I play guitar and sing in the band The Karma'addicts) I will from now on celebrate my lack of formal musical education! I will thrill, unapologetic, to the melodies I invent that have no studied genesis but instead spring raw and untamed from the muse that--now and then--passes through.

Our creative lives are more public now than maybe ever before (blogs, email, YouTube...).

But then again, maybe not. Before the written word, which is to say for probably 90% or more of human history, all we had for communication was spoken word. So we had to get good at listening, and at memorizing, and at improvising. Also, the bards of our tribes did not have the luxury--narcissism?---of going off by themselves to work and rework their schtick.

So, maybe we need to just lighten up and relax with the public nature of our discourse. It's not so different from what our ancestors experienced.

A bit ironic, isn't it, that the generation of the baby boomers--comprising the bulk of America's hippie generation--should also comprise those living through America's Age of Anxiety? The radio program (available on podcast) To the Best of Our Knowledge reported recently that America, (no surprise here) according to the World Health Organization, leads the world in adults complaining of high levels of anxiety. Somewhat surprising to me: China and Nigeria are very low on the list.

Analysts say that that there seems to be a big correlation between communities that expect individuals to "go it alone" and shoulder the responsibility for everything they do and high levels of anxiety. On the other hand, communities that emphasize the success and health of the community itself and not any one individual tend to have fewer people reporting high levels of anxiety.

Third full day, 72 hours, after shoulder surgery. Pain is a part of it--though the medication is powerful and works wonders.

What has been the biggest surprise has been the gift of new insights. "Slow down" is the message. "This moment," too. Look at your wife's smile and soak up her love and care. Then, enjoying the space to be able to listen and watch some TED talks on line.

Be the one who defines what success means to you--don't let others decide. "Genius" is a quality that passes into you--and out of you--similar to the muse. Go ahead and take on the responsibility to show up and do good work--but don't worry about accepting the responsibility of genius--it's not yours to accept anyway!

Tuesday Afternoon Mindscape
we wrote stream of consciousness 'poetry' in 7th grade as taught by mr. miller, he of the red beard and the hippie consciousness though actually looked likehe belonged in a midwest liberal arts college as instructor. but mr. miller, i will forever remember him bringing in the recorded music and the printed lyrics to janic ian's "society's child" and how i was mesmerized by the images and the message and it still moves me to think back on it...then in a creative writing class i was baffled by the sensitive and mature poetry of one of my more conscious and adept female classmate...and that this same classmate was moved to tears by the untimely death of otis redding, and at the time, i barely knew who he was, though i think i knew dock of the bay, yet he was not able to enjoy it in terms of the attention it got, this all in my 56th year, enjoying the unseasonably cool weather here in greenwood, california, just hangin' with monica, looking out to the evergreen trees against the early clouds in a baby blue sky.

Spring Has Arrived in Greenwood, California

Not everything about living in Greenwood is paradise. But spring is. Today was a Sunday to remember. It began with help from my close friend, Mike. Monica had given me permission to cut down the cedar tree that--thanks to plenty of water from our leech line--had grown to a majestic height. But it was also blocking all sun to our garden. Monica couldn't watch--not for sentimental reasons but because she feared the worst with my amateur chain saw skills and the narrow swath of our backyard that I had planned for the cedar to fall into. She said that it could fall onto the flower bed if necessary, but the unfortunate curve of the trunk and the lean of the tree had it heading straight for our back deck. Soon into the adventure, our friend (and bass player, and much younger) Jessee showed up in time to offer some sound advice on angles, depth of cuts, etc. The tree laid down just as we had planned, we retreated to the house for splendid mamosa's (orange juice and champagne) and Lucy's pancakes--nicely accompanied by strawberries and coffee. The temperature outside was perfect with an even more perfect light breeze. We then headed off to the studio for a couple hours of band practice. Oh what a day!

Am I really "Left wing"?

I guess I am a left-wing commie pinko.

I mean, just look at my profile:

I am an administrator in public education.

I work long hours, heading off to work each day, often working weekends.
I am a family man. My wife and I have been married for 27 years, the first marriage for both of us, and we are the proud parents of two children--one who has graduated from college and the other who is in her 3rd year of college.

My wife and I own our own home. We own two cars, that we use overwhelmingly for driving to work.

But listen to the Tea Party activists, and the Fox "News" talking heads and Sarah Palin and you would think I was ready to join a socialist revolution. They call me part of the "left wing" of the Democratic Party. But, based on what I have seen in my lifetime, I think of myself as part of the middle.

What many conservative Republicans have concluded is that anyone who does not agree with them must be "left wing".

If you believe, like I do, that Americans should be covered by health care and that health care costs should be controlled, then they say you are "left win."

If you agree with almost all scientists that there's such a thing as global warming, then they say you are "left wing".

If you think a good use of tax dollars is to improve our schools so that our children have a decent education, you must be "left wing."

If you think that our dependence on oil is out of control and that green technology solutions make sense, you are left wing.

If you like the idea of eating healthy foods and don't care if huge agribusiness companies lose money while smaller operations spring up all over, you guessed--you are left wing.

I, of course, disagree. I am a patriot. I want our country to thrive. I want a thoughtful debate. That does not make me "left wing."

Money, money, money....no fun

Life as an educator in California can be an anguishing experience these days. Many of my friends and colleagues in education who entered the profession truly determined to make a difference are now confronted at the tail end of their careers with a bleak budget landscape. Where the focus was once on "what's best for kids," the focus more and more is on "how do we cut more from the budget without taking away people's ability to earn a living and yet still keeping our schools running?" No fun. This is the stuff that literally keeps me and others up at night (like right now--2am and wide awake--that didn't used to happen in the not too distant past).

Here's my wish: that we take care of each other, that we stay focused on the students, that we remain respectful of each other and honor the light in all of us as we struggle through the difficult decisions that lie ahead. That's my wish.

If not now, when?

The breezy self-talk drifts through my brain, "When I retire, then I will have time to...." (fill in the blank). Write, build a greenhouse, record songs, ride my bike--RIDE MY BIKE!! And I console myself, as I am sure so many other baby boomers continue to do in essentially the same way, with the mantra, "I am committed to my work, which is important work."

So, the epiphany today, that it doesn't have to be an "either/or" dichotomy, but instead can be "both/and". I will be committed to my work as much as feels right. I will listen to the wisdom of my gut and my soul. I will spend time doing what my soul desires and not feel guilty about it.

Happy to say, thanks to Monica, that I am now a couple months into a weekly meditation practice. Starting slow, with guided meditations and only but a half an hour per week. Sometimes, as Yogananda says, "Environment is stronger than will;" for me, with meditation, this has certainly proved true.

I am also finding, on the downhill side of my fifth decade on the planet, that the things that are good for me (like meditation, like smiling, like always wishing my coworkers a hearty "Good Morning!") are more important than they have ever been. Today the meditation was, "Notice that pain, notice that annoyance. This pain now. Then return to the breath, noticing the beginning of the in breath, the end of the in breath, the beginning of the out breath, the end of the out breath. This moment."

We live inside our own heads, that much is clear.

But what I am finding to be a wonderful, baffling, adventure is practicing living inside others' heads too...and others' hearts. Looking into the eyes of another and feeling their joy, pain, pride, boredom, fatigue. I slow down and connect. I build relationships and give love from my heart. I live in the moment.

Laughter, hugs, bouncing-ball-conversation with everyone trying to build on, not compete with, the next idea, the next inspiration, the next epiphany, the next appreciation.

That was the stuff of my birthday dinner with friends and family... and if you were not there, you were there in spirit and you were missed.

Two giants passed away in the same day--J.D. Salinger of Catcher in the Rye fame and one of my real heroes, Howard Zinn--author of A People's History of the United States. That book has stuck with me and influenced my view of our American story as much as any single volume. The most memorable passage? (I am paraphrasing) "Christopher Columbus wrote in his journal the evening after landing at Hispanola, 'The people are beautiful. They came bearing gifts to us of fruit. With 10 well armed soldiers I could have the entire island subdued in a week.'"

Never thought much about Facebook. If I gave it any thought at all, I thought it was just a way for people with too much time on their hands to gossip. But I have been pleasantly surprised at the connections to others I have made, the renewal of friendships and the introduction to worthwhile websites and organizations that have come from my little time on Facebook. I am enjoying the ride!

Thank you Monica for starting our meditation group and continuing to be the breath of its life. Tonight it was a reading on the simple phrase, "What is this?" or "What is this moment?" Paired with wonderful flute music of David Blonski, the meditation was perfection.

So, tomorrow as the urgencies and plans threaten to consume the day, like a greedy monster, I commit to asking, "What is this?" and to sit with that question as I move to the next moment.

Went to Roseville today to buy new tires--now this may seem banal, but just be patient--I have a point to make--and it could save you some money. It hasn't saved me any money yet, but I am just saying, it could.

The tires were promised to be done in an hour and a half, so I walked across the street to the mall--figuring I could get some lunch and indulge my not-anymore-secret obsession with window shopping in the tools section of Sears.

Three box end wrenches and a needle nose pliers purchase later, I was ready to head to lunch. But, to my surprise I came across a "Borders annex" store--sort of a toy poodle version of the real thing. Malcolm Gladwell's What the Dog Saw was on "clearance sale" there at 40% off the jacket price. Happy day. Which brings me to the real point of all this--I spoke with a friend a couple days ago who shared with me: "You know how you get great deals, sometimes, on Amazon, but that you almost always have to pay separate shipping charges if you buy more than one book? Well, Borders has something called the "Borders Marketplace" where you can get equally great buys, but you only pay one shipping price." I haven't checked it out, but if this is true, watch out Amazon!

Hope for Haiti

I will not try to say something more about the tragedy unfolding in Haiti that has not already been said by those more eloquent than me. But I must say I was heartened this morning when I saw President Obama, with Presidents Clinton and Bush, announce the formation of the Clinton-Bush Haiti Relief Fund. Though I am often a critic of the inadequacies of our country, deep inside I love America and our fundamental spirit of giving to others. What I saw this morning was an example of the best we can be as a nation.