When people "turn me onto" musicians, poets, journalists, novelists, my life is enriched.

With that in mind, I commend to anyone reading this post the following artists (and, in one case, journals) who/that have enriched my life.

--The New Yorker magazine
--Silvia Boorstein (Buddhist writer, who like Gary Snyder or Alan Watts, has helped westerners with the life-enhancing wisdom of the east)
--Henry David Thoreau--obvious I know--but I am once again learning from him...his ideas challenge and lead me just as much today, maybe more, than they did in the late 60's and early 70's
--Imogen Heap--first learned of her with "Let Go" from the Garden State soundtrack (when she was with the band Frou Frou)--inspiring soprano songwriter and

My mythology

I struggle with my professional life persona.

Writing this feels like a watershed. The myth of my public persona gets confused in my head with who I am in fact. This is tricky.

So, the myth of my persona (or what I believe I project to the world) is that I care about my professional work much more than I do in fact care about it.

I do care about politics. I care about the future of our country. I care about how little schools have changed--not just during my career, but in the last 50 or 75 years. I care about music--both following musicians--enjoying their talents--and in continuing to grow as a musician.

I care about my relationships with my daughters, with my wife, with my relatives and with my close friends.

And I do care about my work too, but it comes far down the list of things I truly care about.

Having written all of this, it doesn't feel as risky as it did in thinking about writing it. I think about the artists that I admire. Their work is often autobiographical. And it is not all self-congratulatory and does not necessarily reflect well on them as caring people. But it has the ring of honesty to it. And for that, it is rightly admired by me and by many others.

So my mythology is that I care about my work more than I actually do. I actively help every day at work to keep that myth alive, but I am now not so interested in continuing to do so. It takes a lot of energy to do so--energy that is wasted, because it accomplishes nothing except keeping the myth alive...for whom?

I am much more interested in finding the occupation, the pursuit, for which I will care as deeply as the things I mentioned before (music, relationships). It may not exist in my present work (that's my belief).

Allen Ginsberg, after his release from a psychiatric hospital, took a job he hated. He also was seeing a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist elicited from Allen that he was not happy in his job, but felt he needed to keep doing it to pay the bills. The psychiatrist asked him what he would do instead if he left the job. Allen told him that he would pursue his dream of writing. The psychiatrist (thankfully for us....and for Allen) said, "then leave your job. Follow your heart...." And that was when Allen was barely in his thirties. I am in my late 50's. Maybe it's time for me to follow my heart.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Comics help me stay sane. Help me order my world. Used to be Lenny Bruce or Mort Saul. Then George Carlin. Now Jon Stewart.

Came across an older George Carlin (posted it on Facebook). Joked about the hubris of "saving he earth". The earth will be just fine without us, said George. Or with us. I was struck last year at the Monterey Bay Aquarium as I viewed an exhibit showing past extinctions. The vertical timeline went back millions of years--far earlier than the advent of human life. It showed that we have far more species today than ever before. The cautions by well-meaning ecologists that we are "in danger" of losing more and more species as a result of man's actions (habitat destruction, global warming, urban creep, etc.) are so very anthro-centric. We are sad--we see our world changing. We see and feel smog-choked skies. We are sad to see dolphins captured. We are sad to see wolves disappear. But we need to be honest that it's about our sadness, not about any absolute benefit to anything. Eventually all species will go extinct...and others will be created. And cataclysms, beyond our control, will remake our world.

Having said this, I am for keeping clean air and clean water and clean country sides. I am for limiting human suffering and animal suffering. But I want to be clear that it's because of my selfish desire to have the world like I want it....not because there is some penultimate good that exists outside of my brain.

Woodallstock IV

Woodallstock, an annual gathering here of friends and family, is just around the corner. Ready to sing, to play guitar, to listen to ukelele, to eat, to drink and to love.

Internet. Good for information. After all, we assign a company or agency department the acronym "IT" --short for "Information Technology." Only a coincidence or subconscious intention that it also spells "it", as in Allan Watts' collection of essays, This Is It ?

But what about affairs of the heart, the soul? What about the communication that happens with the knowing glance, the compassionate chuckle, the hug? The Internet, for all of its strengths, does little for me here.

Welcome to the Family!

Gave a guitar lesson today. The young man is just starting. Learning some simple chords. Learning about the barre chord. Learning about tab and solo lines and what it is to make music as an ensemble. Learning about callouses on the fingers. The beginning. Joining the family of souls wanting to create, to harmonize. Welcome to the family!

Cattywampus: November 04

Cattywampus: November 04: "Far beyond the headlines And rumours of war The middle-aged carpenter Is hanging raingutters On the backside of Round Mountain- A fine Novem..."