Money, money, money....no fun

Life as an educator in California can be an anguishing experience these days. Many of my friends and colleagues in education who entered the profession truly determined to make a difference are now confronted at the tail end of their careers with a bleak budget landscape. Where the focus was once on "what's best for kids," the focus more and more is on "how do we cut more from the budget without taking away people's ability to earn a living and yet still keeping our schools running?" No fun. This is the stuff that literally keeps me and others up at night (like right now--2am and wide awake--that didn't used to happen in the not too distant past).

Here's my wish: that we take care of each other, that we stay focused on the students, that we remain respectful of each other and honor the light in all of us as we struggle through the difficult decisions that lie ahead. That's my wish.

If not now, when?

The breezy self-talk drifts through my brain, "When I retire, then I will have time to...." (fill in the blank). Write, build a greenhouse, record songs, ride my bike--RIDE MY BIKE!! And I console myself, as I am sure so many other baby boomers continue to do in essentially the same way, with the mantra, "I am committed to my work, which is important work."

So, the epiphany today, that it doesn't have to be an "either/or" dichotomy, but instead can be "both/and". I will be committed to my work as much as feels right. I will listen to the wisdom of my gut and my soul. I will spend time doing what my soul desires and not feel guilty about it.

Happy to say, thanks to Monica, that I am now a couple months into a weekly meditation practice. Starting slow, with guided meditations and only but a half an hour per week. Sometimes, as Yogananda says, "Environment is stronger than will;" for me, with meditation, this has certainly proved true.

I am also finding, on the downhill side of my fifth decade on the planet, that the things that are good for me (like meditation, like smiling, like always wishing my coworkers a hearty "Good Morning!") are more important than they have ever been. Today the meditation was, "Notice that pain, notice that annoyance. This pain now. Then return to the breath, noticing the beginning of the in breath, the end of the in breath, the beginning of the out breath, the end of the out breath. This moment."

We live inside our own heads, that much is clear.

But what I am finding to be a wonderful, baffling, adventure is practicing living inside others' heads too...and others' hearts. Looking into the eyes of another and feeling their joy, pain, pride, boredom, fatigue. I slow down and connect. I build relationships and give love from my heart. I live in the moment.